a hard truth

i do not want my life
to be defined
by your death

but the truth
is that so much of my being
and my becoming
is because
of you

the memories do not fade
though some days
are easier
than others

i was so excited
to be
your mother

there are triggers
i don’t like
to talk about

things that bring
others joy
awaken my deepest
pain

i wish it wasn’t this way
but the truth
is that so much of me
was lost
with you