unavailable

I would say I wanted to be married
then question my own sincerity
I was attracted to unavailability
ambiguity
mixed signals
and lack of transparency

I didn’t want to feel
responsible
for a grown man
I still don’t

I’m still
unavailable
to most men… to most people
to co-dependency
to convention
to control masked as commitment

but God

renewed my heart
restored my desire
and redirected my attraction
from detachment
to a hopeful pursuit
of truth
without judgment
passion
without guilt
love
without condition